At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
