Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
