Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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