Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
