I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
