you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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