After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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