One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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