You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
