You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize