Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
