So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
