I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
