Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(208): View more from Idaho

He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me

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(602): View more from Arizona

I bet i've been more pregnant than you.

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(716): View more from New York

the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..

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(828): View more from North Carolina

yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store

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(530): View more from California

regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle

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(409): View more from Texas

The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.

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(540): View more from Virginia

I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.

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(207): View more from Maine

He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex

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(206): View more from Washington

He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it

(253): View more from Washington

The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence

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