i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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