Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I have aggressive nipples.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
