I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Randomize
