U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
