ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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