It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
