I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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