What a fucking waste of an outfit
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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