Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
