How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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