thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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