I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
