my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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