Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
