Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
