i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
