so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
