i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
