Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
