My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
ok first of all what the fuck
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
