please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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