I never want to see another naked old woman again.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
