Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
