She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
