i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
