I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
