you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
i believe in u and ur pee
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
