she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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