Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
