he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
