I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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