I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
