Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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