Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
