Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My penis needs a shock collar
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
