I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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