Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
