What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
