a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
