Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
