Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
