WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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