I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i just google imaged poop.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize