i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
