you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
