I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
