I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
