Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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