should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
